Let's play: Animals++

No offence to our millions of zebra readers, but I don’t really like animals, and that’s not just because my cat refuses to play Minecraft Legends in co-op with me. OK, fine, it is because my cat refuses to play Minecraft Legends with me. Thanks to that traitorous feline, I needed something or someone or somecat to help me learn to love the animal kingdom again. And since David Attenborough keeps snubbing my calls and ignoring me (me!) I decided to play Animals++ by Kubo on the Minecraft Marketplace. 

It’s all the fun of going to the zoo, but without being told off for trying to sneak into the gorilla cages for selfies (hypothetical example). In fact, you’ll find no cages here. This is more of a huge multi-biome safari park, full of delightful creatures for you to meet.

My personal favorite? Glad you asked! Wait, no I’m not, because it’s too hard to pick one. I’m going to panic and put a screenshot of the rhino here while I try to think: 

Within minutes of exploring, I’ve already stumbled across a gorilla, a chameleon, a pig (oh, it’s just an ordinary Minecraft pig – who cares), some animal I don’t know the name of because I didn’t pay attention in school, a wood block that someone later told me is not an animal, a crocodile or possibly an alligator, and the most terrifying beast nature has ever produced – the car! 

Oh, hang on. The cars are actually vehicles that have been handily dotted around to make exploring a breeze (there’s even a submarine for checking out the underwater creatures). See if you can drive less cars into the sea than I did. You also get several handy guidebooks to all the different animals and which biomes to find them in. Helpful! It’s at times like this that I wish I knew how to read.

Here’s some of the animals I met on my travels: 

The sassy zebra

Giving me the classic condescending over-the-shoulder stare, this fashion icon has earnt the right to sneer at my dated blue-shirt-and-blue-jeans combo. If I could pull off striped leggings half as well as this beast I would literally never feel sadness again. 

FIND IT IN: 

The savanna! I tried looking for zebras underwater, but no such luck. Mainly just fish and cars I’d driven into the sea.

HOW DOES IT TASTE? 

What the… I never agreed to rank the animals based on that! Begone, mean-spirited subheading. Begone! 

Baby animals!

Was I this cute as a baby? No, even though I somehow had similar antlers. Anyway, this delightful little friend also comes in an adult variety (not as cute, so not pictured here, sorry). The sight of this lovely creature was enough to distract me from those ominous plumes of smoke on the horizon. Er, good? 

FIND IT IN: 

The Savanna. Look, I did leave the Savanna eventually. I swear! 

HOW DOES IT TASTE? 

Nope, still not doing this. 

WOW A WALRUS! 

Wow indeed! This polar mammal has no time for dentistry. It’s far too busy being a brilliant beast, with arguably the most impressive facial hair in the animal kingdom. How come whenever I try to grow whiskers like this, I just end up with antlers again? Some mysteries are better left unsolved. 

FIND IT IN: 

The arctic. I know! I was surprised too! 

HOW DOES IT TASTE?

Oh shut up.  

I hope you have a comfy screenshot button because you’re going to be pressing it a lot. There’s something wonderfully calming about exploring and trying to snap pictures of all the different animals. Well, apart from when you’re trying to get a nice side-on image of an animal, but it keeps insisting on looking straight at you. Yes, I know I’m fascinating, Mr Moose – now look over there and stop ruining my pic. 

Another challenge to my new animal photography career is a little annoyance called ‘death’. Not all these creatures are friendly. I learned the hard way that the tarantula and poison dart frog are very camera-shy. How else to explain why they attacked someone as wonderful as me? 

This is probably why the map gives you loads of cooked beef and stone swords at the start (why don’t real zoos do this?). Frustrating as it can be, I think it gives this safari a welcome sense of danger. Getting pics of all your future pets is a far more satisfying challenge when you know there’s a teeny little frog out there who wants to poison you. I love writing sentences like that. 

You’d better be grateful for these animal pictures btw. I took a lot of frog poisonings getting them for you! 

OH HOW CUTE IT’S A- ARRRRRRRGHHHHH 

Gulp. 

Yeah we’re skipping this one. 

MAGNIFICENT MAMMOTH 

Sadly extinct in our boring reality, the woolly mammoth is happily thriving here. The temptation to give it a big hug is only slightly tempered by those gigantic sharp tusks that look a little too keen to slice me in two. Hey, no pain no gain! 

FIND IT IN: 

Oh where do you think. 

Eagle-eyed readers may have noticed that my little safari only scratched the surface. There’s loads more biomes to explore and over a hundred animals to discover. You can find Animals++ by Kubo on the Minecraft Marketplace by clicking here. Meanwhile, I’m off to look for a nice frog poison antidote on eBay. Wish me luck!